Stagger Benny Stagger

Hehe....

Come on Dockers and Eagles alike, we can all have a good laugh at this -

http://www.dockerland.com/games/stagger.html

The Castle

Jon and Aaron dancing to Wavelength like pissed idiots at the Castle.

That's Gold!

You idiot.....

What happens when you get drunk and attempt a burn out.

300 thousand dollars later......That's Gold.

Three Bears Edition

Back in July Aaron, Jody, Jon, Sam and I went to Yallingup for a few days. We had a blast and stayed at a beautiful house called 'Three Bears Cottage'. I am definitely up for making that trip again. Here are some of the funny things that happened.

• Kellie quite confidently telling Jon where Simmo's Ice-creamery was situated. "Yeah I know where it is. It's on some road somewhere". Thanks for clearing that up Kellie.
  

• Aaron coming last in mini golf and somehow chipping the ball off the course completely.

• Jody's knowledge of the wine making process. "Is Rose' made from pink roses?".

• Sam getting caught fondling her nipples by the old lady with a pole up her butt at a winery.

• Aaron breaking out in hives at Cullen Winery.

• Jon and Aaron's black teeth and subsequent green poo after eating licorice ice cream from Simmo's.

• The upstairs 'poo' toilet.

• Sam telling Jon she was going to smack his cock whilst walking by an occupied car with an open window.
  

The hilarity of our That's Gold Moments have been massively reduced!

• "I can't hear it at all, I must be completely blind to it..." Suzy mixes up her senses.

• Jon microwaving his paper & metal box of Wok-in-a-box. Needless to say the microwave was billowing black smoke and his Wok-in-a-box was on fire.

• Aaron leaf sucking, thinking it's great till he looks behind him and realised he didn't do up the bag.

• Stephen carrying the quiche into the oven with a tea towel, the realised the dish was cold as he hadn't cooked it yet!!

• Jon getting his 'songs' on!

• Jon getting his 'yak' on!

• Kellie's mastering of the washing machine. Thank god that machine died in the arse.
  

Super Simmo: The King of That's Gold

Hooch is crazy!

• Kellie trying to plug the fry pan socket into the power point.

• Aaron dropping Kellie's phone bill into his huge helping of Thousand Island dressing.

• Jody trying to steal someone else's car at the gym.

• "Hey look Kellie this has got caffeine in it" Says Suzy holding a CC and Cola!

• "How do you pre-heat an oven?" Asks Simon

• "Simon when you feel the flame you can take your hand off the knob"
  

The entry of Jon as our new housemate

Around this time Simon left :(
and Jon arrived :)
and subsequently there were many more That's Gold to be had!

• "How do you make more ice?" Says Stephen. Answer - You have to send an expedition to Antarctica to bring some back Stephen - that's why we pay taxes :)

• "Whats that word, you know when you approve someone of something?" "Um... approval!"

• Jon opening up the kitchen cupboard. "Are these square things the plates?"

• Jon laughing so hard when playing Foosball that he farted (already a true housemate)
  

More, more, more.....

In retrospect there aren't very funny moments on this post. At this point too many things were being claimed as That's Gold and not many of them were. Mind I'm sure most of you don't really find any of this funny. Oh well someone is visiting this site though. Thank you!

• Suzy dropping a whole packet of biscuits on the floor in front of everyone.

• "It's just like an Echo, yet differently shaped" Kellie referring to an ad for the Toyota Yaris. Well done Kellie, a BMW is differently shaped to an Echo as well. Jokes on you! The Yaris was the car that Toyota replaced the Echo with so you can tongue my hairy bags....hehehe

• Kellie walking very drunkenly (after vomiting in a car park), missing the horseshit on the floor, but trying to open the door to the wrong car! I'm glad we don't chronicle everything I do when I'm drunk. That would be an entire blog in itself.

• Suzy's singed vag and eventual brown stain on her pristine white knickers. Bring on the Aloe Vera! Suzy has flaming panties! Someone made Suzy spill piping hot coffee on her lap.
  

A truely disgusting 'That's Gold'

I heard this story from a friend who heard it from a friend. This one could become an urban legend. It's bloody funny though and completely mortifying for those involved.

The story goes like this, a girl and a guy went out on a date and ended up spending the night together at his house. She wakes up the next morning to find him gone but discovers he has left her a note. It told her that he had a great time and to make herself breakfast and use the shower if she wanted to. The girl got dressed and went to the toilet. To her horror the toilet would not flush properly and her nugget was still sitting in the bowl. Not wanting to leave it there for the guy to find she got a plastic bag and fished the turd out of the bowl, intending to throw it in a bin once she's left the house. She left the bag with the poo on the kitchen bench whilst she finished getting ready to leave. In her rush out the door the girl left the bag on the bench. When she realised that she had forgotten the bag she discovered that the door was locked and she had no way of getting back into the house.


Imagine being that poor guy who came home to find a shit lying in a plastic bag on his kitchen bench. Something makes me think she didn't hear from him ever again.

How embarrassing! But as this story has been found so humorous by so many people I believe it qualifies for a 'That's Gold' tag.

I'm bored and wish I could be as creative as my cousin Simon.....

.....in fact you should go read his blog after reading mine (though it's probably most likely that you've already visited his blog)

So it's time again for another round of 'That's Gold'!!!!

• Simon making fried rice by pouring frozen rice from the packet into the fry pan and then realising he needed to add water. He thought 'Fried Rice' meant literally frying the rice in a pan.
• Simon + BBQ = Fire Brigade - I'm not going to elaborate much on this one. The photo and hopefully the Best Man's Speech at Simon's wedding will do this one justice.
• The Koala Puzzle - I have a day-by-day calender of supposed optical illusions. They have all been really shithouse and this one was no exception. On the page was written Koala in huge red letters. The task was to find the hidden word, the hidden word was Koala. Yeah that calender was money well spent. I think another one of those gems popped up again later in the year.
  
• Simon & the invisible spider - Imagine Simon running in circles, screaming and rolling on the floor, trying to scrape off an invisible spider. (Simon hates spiders so I thought it was funny to tell him there was a spider on his back. Long story short Simon shat his pants and we all pissed ourselves laughing)
• Simon, invisible spiders and liquefied bananas - We miss Simon as a housemate! It would rock if you could join us again. But if he did I would probably be again subjected to bananas so old they had turned to liquid. Watch out Robyn!
• Suzy thinking we were laughing at her hiccups but we were laughing at her boob hanging out of her top.
  

That's Gold - The Pearl Jam Concert Edition

• Streaming into Subi Oval with all the other concert goers and spotting classy bogans - they are becoming more subtle nowadays. There were the obvious ones who wore black and/or flannel but look out for bogans who walk openly through the street drinking cheap booze.
• No line to the toilet and they were clean - I hate using public toilets (Thank you Subiaco Oval - can't wait for AFL '07 to begin)
• Discovering we has pretty reasonable seats - I went to the concert with my friend Cath who had booked these tickets ages ago for her and her bf. We were on the oval, in section C6 which was directly in front of the stage. It was possible to watch the performers and actually not have them look like tiny specs. But like all concerts, unless your really close you end up just watching the screen anyway.
• Coming in near the end of the support bands act - OK who really wants to see the support band really? If I don't know their music then not me. So I guess it's not really fair for me to comment on Kings of Leon - but I wasn't all that impressed. The highlight of their set would have been when Eddie Vedder came out and played a song with them.
• Pearl Jam starting at 8:15 - This really surprised me - bands don't usually come on until 9. Kings of Leon began way before 7:30 (as indicated on the ticket). I think this would of pissed off a lot of late comers. I'm not sure why the concert began early - perhaps they were already running on daylight savings time. For me it was great though cos it meant not having to wait as long for the concert to begin.
• The opening set - Though I know none of the titles of the first 6 or so songs (go read Super Simmo's blog for a detailed account from an actual fan) I really enjoyed the music. This is a HUGE statement because it comes from a person who only listens to Nova and 92.9 and rarely broadens her musical horizons. So yeah they were the shit!
• The recurrent odour of the wacky tabacy - So even though Subi is meant to be smoke free people lit up anyway. There is no way you can police that and not too many people were smoking ciggies so I didn't really have a problem. I thought is was humorous to imagine people in their 30's trying to recapture their youth (circa the early 90's)
  
• The songs I actually knew - Yay I could finally sing along! The good thing about Pearl Jam as a live act is that they can reproduce their sound to make it better than a recording. Don't you hate watching an act who sound great on radio but shit house live (can't wait to see Evermore at the BDO)
• Better Man - When this song came on the whole audience began to sing - it was AWESOME! And you could tell Eddie was stoaked to hear us singing his song to him like that.
  
• The Drum Solo - This was really good, maybe The Bronze could get him for their band hehe
• Eddie consuming vast amounts of wine on stage, "I'd like to thank Margaret......Margaret River" - yeah WA owns that shit!
• The couple (allegedly) having relations in the stand - I didn't see this but I was told by someone I knew who was also at the concert. They must of been fulfilling some sexual fantasy or something - That's Gold!
• The perfect weather and all round great night - Pearl Jam said they couldn't remember playing in a more beautiful setting - with a clear starry night sky, cool breeze, no insects, and a "smiling" moon. Our city rocks and also knows how to put on a good show!

I can't think of much else to say. I'm glad I went cos I had my doubts as to whether I would enjoy a band I don't really know. It was a rocking concert and that is a That's Gold in itself :)

That's Gold - Third Time Around

• "Without objectifying women...they are like cars" Aaron on scoping chicks justifibly - This line came out one night when Aaron thought it was a good idea to talk about perving on women with three girls (one of whom being his girlfriend). I think you can all guess that what he said didn't go down well.
• Kellie signing her Dad's 60th Birthday card and not realising it had Happy 50th written on the front - Hmmmm did I feel like an idiot that day? Coincendently it is my Dad's birthday today and I've taken the safe route of buying a blank card with Happy Birthday written on the front.
• "It has to be warm to slide down your throat easier" Suzy - She was actually talking about warm lemon honey, but let's all go straight to the dirty context.
• "This calcium powder's good...you can get 3 months out of it..." (drops the container, spilling half the contents) "umm make it 2 months". Simon then adopts the '3 second rule' to scoop the contents.

For the title of this That's Gold page I spelt gold wrong again but this time I didn't have the excuse of being drunk.

The Second 'That's Gold' and some stories behind it!

The title of this particular That's Gold was a that's gold in itself. I went to write the title (whilst drunk) and when I wrote gold I ended up spelling it with an 'a' at the end because I had already begun thinking about writing award. I know that's not funny but it's relevant in the context of our next That's Gold.

That's Gold!

• Suzy almost knocking herself out on Aaron's door after hearing Ricky Martin come on (When this one happened we were having a party, can't remember what for though. There was lots of drinking and Suzy got a bit too excited when we chose to take the piss out of Simon by playing his Ricky Martin CD)
• I'm getting my holes confused - ME! (Okay this is an embarrassing one to explain but here goes. Aaron has a porn called The Babysitter 2 - I think you can use your imaginations here - and one night we were watching it (as you do). Anyway during one scene a girl was being impaled by two men and at one point I couldn't make out exactly which entry point was being used. Only I could find porn confusing! At this point I need to add that I believe it was on this night watching a classic scene from the Babysitter porn that the house catch cry was discovered - Fuck That Asshole! We use this term in a positive light and also to harass people on the streets from the security of our cars. FTA: Fuck That Asshole (if you say it with a lisp it's even more effective)
• "Hey, is it called the Greenwood Brassy-air?" - Aaron (On this occasion we were trying to book somewhere to eat for dinner and decided to try the Greenwood Brasserie as it was our local. Aaron was going to do the honors of calling for us and went to look for the phone number in the Yellow Pages when this little gem came out.
  
• Kellie 'tapping' the brick fence whilst attempting to park her car - Me (Aaron and I came back home from somewhere and I cleverly demonstrated to him just how skilled a driver I am. I was happy to discover that neither the wall or my car were hurt - the only victim was my dignity.
• Suzy coming home from a hard day at work to an almost empty house, looking to relax, only to hear what apparently was the climax of a tango session of horizontal limbo coming from the general direction of Action Man's room - The Greatest Fucker in the World! (This one needs no explanation)
  

How 'Thats Gold' was created...

I first heard the phrase 'That's Gold' when I was working at Pingelly District High School in 2005. Most schools have a Wooden Duck award for staff members who basically do something really stupid and embarrassing. At Pingelly it was the 'That's Gold' award and whilst I was there only one teacher got it (thankfully it wasn't me). After my term in Pingelly I was sent to a school in Perth to finish the year. This meant my friends and I could finally get a house to rent together. In the first few days of living together we noticed just how many stupid things we each do that are rather hilarious to those watching. Inspired by my time at Pingelly I suggested we have our own house 'That's Gold' were we could chronicle some of the random acts of amusement that took place. There has been many recipricants of the That's Gold award - myself (Kellie), Simon (SuperSimmo), Aaron, Jon, Suzy, Stephen, Sam and Jody. Those of you who went to our house in Greenwood would recall seeing the 'That's Gold' awards loving displayed on our quite unstable pantry cupboard. In our new house the cupboard is in a storeroom so I've decided to post our 'That's Gold' moments so they can be remembered and enjoyed by many.
Here are some of our very first 'That's Gold' moments:

• The Best of Ricky Martin CD - Simon's Favourite
• "How do you eject?" - Jon
• "Is it okay for me to use a saucepan on a gas stove?" - Aaron (an absolutely classic quote)
• "Hey guess what...you can't break sausages when they're frozen!" - Aaron (another quality quote)
• Stephen's SHAGGY tape
• "Andrew the pug ficker" - Suzy